High Expectations, Frequent Disappointments

Lately it feels as if I haven't been keeping up "my end of the bargain." When people say living at home is so much easier and frown upon those who have moved out, there must be some reason why all those young adults choose the more extreme outcome.

Living at home with family really isn't a bargain.  It comes with so much baggage and stipulation.  When I think about it logically, I automatically know living at home is the more financially stable, safe way of living my mid-twenties.  In our culture (and by our culture I mean Chinese culture), it comes with responsibilities to others and to the residence.  That means, making it home at a decent hour.  Telling everyone where you are at all times.  Maintaining your chores.  Calling if you're not coming home directly after work.

All these things, although small, add up to something quite significant.  If you're not saying you're doing something of importance, then it's better not to do it at all because you'll be telling everyone you're doing something that doesn't seem like it's any more important than sitting around at home.  These high expectations are getting more and more difficult to live by as one becomes more independent and have a change in priorities.  No longer is it important to check-in with family everywhere you go.  No longer is it so important to have dinner at the table with everyone each and every night.  As we get older, we seek things that are new, different, and external.

It appears that once you reach a certain age you revert and find that family time and good quality time at home is much more meaningful, but at this stage in life, it's lower on the priority scale.  Because of this new-found-external-interest, you become a disappointment.  You're expected to do things you use to do, and if you fail, you disappoint the family.  Once again, small things add up.  It can be the single and sole reason why twenty-somethings are driven out of the home.  Avoiding "getting in trouble" and "curfew" and "explaining oneself" is a process we young adults see as childish.  You will always be seen as a child to your parents, no matter how old you are.  They are more experienced, more wise, more authoritative.  At least, in the Chinese culture.

I think this is one of the reasons that I've been so down and depressed as of late.  I feel the sense to keep to myself, keep things private, do what I want for whatever reason I want without an explanation.  It's not so easy when you have to explicitly detail each aspect of your life to a second, possibly third party.

Hopefully I can keep up their perspective of me as the poster child.  However, I'm already a disappointment at this rate...