The Social Adult

There are many games we play as a child growing up.  From board games and video games to pretend and house.  Yet, as we mature, we do nothing but play more adult versions of these games.

Some people stick with the good ol' basics, but many of us go on to play different kinds of games with different rules.  Rules we conjure up to make us feel better or more comfortable.

A friend of mine lays down the rules like there's no tomorrow.  At every party he hosts (and he hosts a lot of big, yet successful, parties) he has an infamous set of rules.  One of the rules always mentioned and readily taken careful consideration by many who attend is no drama or you'll be kicked out/uninvited.  As a small network of Asians in Utah, many of us overlap in the groups we hang out with.  One thing happens and it breaks up the dynamics of a group.

A great example is what happened over the summer.  One person intrudes, breaks up the group, and the group is left with nothing but uneasy feelings for one another.  Sure, some people stick together.  Others, however, project negative feelings towards other members of the group.  Just a simple act can make such a huge difference.
I bring this topic up because, no matter how much we try to please each other, someone is bound to get hurt, left out/left behind/excluded.  Not that we intentionally want them to feel that way, but it happens because those who make those people feel in the outs are "trying" to look out for the greater good.

So, when you're planning something, don't not invite someone just because of others who are there.  Giving each party fair warning is enough.  A simple "Hey, I'm having a party.  Would you like to come?  By the way, so-and-so is coming, too."  That type of invitation has multiple meanings:

- It doesn't put you at blame- you gave them fair warning.
- It's up to them to make the call on whether or not they want to show up.  They'll also be responsible for their own actions, seeing as you did give them fair warning.
- It's your party, not your friend's.  If they have a problem with someone, maybe they should be the one that shouldn't come because they'll start up drama.
- It's common courtesy to invite everyone you think would or should be there.  This could vary on the group of friends, but generally each person has a "main group" they hang out with (the default friends you always call or think of first).  Those people, all of them, should always be invited or they'll be the first to find out they weren't invited for some lame reason (like I said before, small network of people)

Also, for the other side, don't take it personally if people don't invite you.  You're just setting yourself up for heartbreak, stress, and anger.  A good friend of mine posted an anonymous quote:

"Work for a cause, not for applause.  Live life to express, not to impress.  Don't strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt."

Words of wisdom right there.  So people, please:  save the drama for your mama.