Conversation Into Dream

Last night I made my first move.  It was the first thing I've done since the breakup.  Since then, I've been through the whole spectrum of emotions and have tried to build myself up to something greater, something strong.  Strong enough to confront him for the first time and return a phone call at his request.... only to end our conversation in annoyance and withdrawal.

I asked about what went wrong.  I never got a valid reason the first time, and the second time was hard for him to hear. I could hear how annoyed he was that I brought it up, if only he could hear my call out for closure.  His explanation was "of something you have said and done," a different path I was led to believe.  I could tell he withdrew his thoughts and feelings.  I'm willing to wait patiently for his clear explanation the next time we converse.

That night after our conversation, I dreamt of us meeting again.  It was white and innocent, cherry blossom leaves effortlessly landing all around.  I locked eyes with you and felt so much joy... until I saw you look at me with sadness.  As we closed the space, locking arm in arm, the wind blew all the petals of the cherry blossoms around us until I could see you no more.  I was left with the feeling of isolation, abandonment and fear.  I felt so scared and vulnerable as I looked around for you, but you had left me.

I awoke to the tears rolling down my face.