Need vs Want

It's hard to define relationships as healthy.  Some people have totally dysfunctional relationships but somehow manage to make it work; others have picture perfect partnerships but it's only an empty shell.  Where do we find balance and how do we work towards it?

Some people find it strange for me to want to depend on someone.  "But you're so independent" and "you don't need a man to complete you" are very common terms when I tell people I'm single and mingling.  I like the feeling of not having to do everything myself and that partner I have will take care of me without having to drag him along and make him dress the part.

I've been reading a lot of romance novels.  Okay, yes, it's relationship suicide, because no man will ever be like Gideon Cross, but there are areas of relationships that I, as a reader/third party, would use my logical brain to figure it out and the character does something totally different.  Yet, it worked for them.  My current balance is finding equilibrium between needing a man and wanting a man.

I'll admit- reflecting in my past relationships, the majority of my relationships fall under the WANT category.  I want them to be there, want someone to hold, want someone to share experiences with me.  Yet, the underlying question I have for myself (and for those previous boyfriends) is how much I've NEEDED them.  Did they feel needed?  How much?  Was it enough?

I recently talked with a friend about what they need in a relationship and I found myself thinking a lot about what he said.  He claimed that sometimes, he needs to feel emotional.  A good fight is necessary once in awhile.  He believes someone who can make him feel those emotions is someone special, rather than the people he interacts with on the daily, all blase.  It really got me triggered, because I've recently introduced jealousy into my bag of emotions.  After a really hard breakup, I was told I was never jealous.  Isn't that a good thing?  Not really-- there has to be a balance, a healthy amount of jealousy.

Another aspect I am afraid of (since I've been on both ends of the stick- the dumper and the dumpee) is pain.  I'm extremely fearful of pain.  It hurts so much that I want to avoid falling head over heals for the wrong guy.  It affects my dating experiences- I'm always guarded.  So why have this fear?

Because as the years go by and now having been a year wiser (happy bday to me), I know my characteristics and what I look for.

- Fall hard, fall fast (bad characteristic for me to have!)
- Picky (I'm not attracted to most men... just a few -_- I can't help it, but it's so important)
- Romantic (the little things... very considerate)
- Active (lots of physical activities, including traveling)
- Responsible & cares for me above all else (and shows me so I know it... yes, I need reminders)

These are the core basics, everything else/preferences are a bonus.  However, I have yet to still understand that balance between need and want.