Happy V-Day

My favorite holiday of the year is here!  I just so happen to be here in Taiwan with family I love, celebrating (what is their biggest holiday) Chinese New Year.  Nevertheless, the streets are still filled with flowers and small tokens of affection for the holiday of love.

Every time a new time of the year comes by I reflect on life and how I have worked to make it a little better each year.  Yet, sometimes there are areas of life we cannot control.  I'm talking about being in the best relationship possible.  Not one that's most convenient, most beneficial or most adventurous.   Certainly, there are many aspects of a relationship and I aim to seek to best balance of all worlds.

Thus, Valentine's Day has a very special place in my heart.  All of the men I have been in relationships with during this holiday have been the world to me and have given me 100% of their heart.  I have such warm and joyful feelings with this holiday, an immense amount of love that cannot be compared.  I have no regrets with my past relationships and decisions, each are unique to it's own and hold a special place in my heart.  I know I still love each of them and wish them the best in their endeavors, whether it be career driven, family oriented or a journey to find themselves and their best partner, I want them all to be happy.

To love and to be loved in return- what does that phrase hold for most people?  For me, it's easy to find the good in others and love them for who they are.  Yet, I think there is so much more than that.  Love is good, love is complex.  I believe love brings an immense amount of joy and comfort.  A life worth living is achieved through love and relationships.  Finding and surrounding myself with those who love me fill me up.

Why be more selective about my life partner then?  Yes, I don't necessary have requirements to a suitable partner- I just don't believe men are cookie cutter shapes where women can shop around.  People are complicated.  I am simply looking for someone that compliments me well.  I talk about this a lot because I am still identifying what areas I find faults in myself and figuring out if a man can take care of that aspect.  I have also learned a lot about myself and what works well in past relationships.

I'm one of those that tries to make the best decision possible- hence, I am indecisive... (maybe I can't find the best solution?  Need to work on my logic skills)

I need grit.  If I surround myself with those who are motivated and push themselves, then my sponge-like tendencies will also push me to better myself, get involved, stay active.  Otherwise, I get comfortable (maybe even lazy?!  Is that possible?!).

My whole life I've carried a lot of responsibility.  As the first born child, there have always been high expectations of me and I have always tried to find ways to fulfill that role and exceed expectations.  With that preface, I therefore find myself caring and being the responsible one.  I'm not saying I want to become irresponsible, I just want to share the responsibility with someone who wants to be responsible like I do.  You know that cute couple that fights to get dishes done or works together as a team?  Or when you think you're going to make his favorite dinner when you get home and he had dinner ready for you already?  Or that task you have stressed about that needs to get done tomorrow, but he finds a way to make it easier or gets it done himself to put you at ease?  Sure, it's easy for me to just tell him to do it, but if he wants to do it, that makes him both thoughtful and considerate of me, which makes me happy.  ^_^

Financial security isn't necessary on the list, since I feel as if people my age are still trying to figure out what they're doing with their time, money and lives.  Yet, I've been through rough times where both of us are struggling to find money to do something together we've always wanted to do.  It's tough.  If anything stresses me out, it's 1) my family and 2) finances/money.  I've also been with someone who spends frivolously.  I hate spending money!  I don't know why.  :(  I apparently also talk like I'm poor.  Maybe it helps me not spend money?  I don't know, I'm programmed like that.

Recently I have found laughter to be important to incorporate into my life.  Life is so much better with laughter, especially the silly, uncontrollable type.  More to explore with that.

Happy Valentine's Day to those who are happily in love.  May I wish to join the ranks in this lifetime.  :)