Confessions of a Leader

Has any real leader ever confessed about their struggles?  I'm about to share some bumps and bruises that I've had to overcome... or am still overcoming.

Sometimes being an independent individual can do harm.  Why is it that no matter how good the intention, there's always a repercussion?  I was never born a leader.  I grew up living in the huge shadow of my dad, who is extremely well-known in the Chinese community.  He did many great things, and I learned that when I stumbled upon this document of organizations edited in 1999.  If you search Kuang, it appears in the document several times.....

Without even knowing it, I began to follow in his footsteps.  Not once did he force me to do any of it.  He didn't push me to take the first step, he didn't threaten me with dinner until I did this and that.... I did it all on my own.  But, once you take the first step, it sinks deeper and deeper.  You become so submersed in the world of organizations and take on several roles as a board member it's hard to know when enough is enough.

So what were those repercussions I was talking about?  Unfortunately, I was born into a community of gossipers.  Yes, Chinese people looooooove to talk.  But not just any talk- gossip about all the bad things of everyone else.  I'll admit I've partaken in this world, but in my defense, I was sucked into it.  I've tried to keep a positive, optimistic and hopeful outlook to the future now.

It saddens me to hear that people are gossiping about me even though I'm trying my best.  It's a learning process.  I can't be the young leader everyone expects when I'm in a world of more experienced leaders, particularly leaders that are over the age of 40, expecting more than I can give them.

What is it they want, though?  I can't begin to give them something when I don't even know what they're asking of.  And if I do the wrong thing?

I'm going to be more careful of my actions.  My parents are wiser than I thought they were.... I should ask for advice from them more often.  It sucks to have your parents tell you what it is other people are saying about you; it must be even more painful to have them hear these rumors about their daughter.


By the way, I've decided to talk to my treasurer first about his intentions, motivations, and desires to be in YAAP before I make an executive decision.  Hopefully I won't burn any bridges that way, because he's still a bright person with motives.... just motives that don't necessarily match mine.